Sometimes I feel as though I’m steering a ship with no map, no stars to navigate by, and the most frustrating thing is that there’s no way to even ask for a map, for stars. You’re just there, adrift in the darkness, hoping that the next piece of intel will crack some code, provide you… Continue reading Cardinal directions
Like some day in early January, it’s one of those days I want to delete half of what I own. Easily half of of it wouldn’t be missed; things in closets, stored away in boxes. The boxes themselves. Things collected against a possible future use. But so much of it is pointless. A strategic purging is… Continue reading Change, spare and otherwise
This sort of thing has become more and more expected or anticipated over the decades I’ve been alive. When I was a child, seasons followed the patterns that the picture books laid out. Less and less every decade though, and the intervals grow shorter. Change is the engine on which the universe runs, a well-oiled… Continue reading A brief return of Winter in the form of snow on the Vernal Equinox
This feels senseless, irreparable. I know it's not. It's a direct hit, though. A different kind of heartbreak; More subtle, maybe— unexpected. More reckless, it feels. Unavoidable, now: you've crossed the Rubicon. The kaleidoscope has lost some of its color. How do I relearn living (again)? Who will help me make sense of things? Who’ll… Continue reading This is how the data is interpreted
The one who’s been the most present for over four years has gone. Left in a car packed with all he owns on a bright cold Sunday, December. Left a scar. We walked around the neighborhood late last night lamenting the change. Still almost not understanding or accepting— but a dawning sense. Still to come—… Continue reading Sad days ahead
It hit me last night— Zac’s last day in Brooklyn is in eight days. It’s cast a sudden melancholy pall on the holiday weekend, a Sunday sadness, and I’ve found myself thinking about how different my life will be when he's gone. We've been practically inseparable for over four years; a significant friendship, and solid. In… Continue reading A soon farewell
Only yesterday I took bags and boxes of things to donate to Housing Works, and already a new pile has begun to accumulate in the hall. I can’t stop deleting*. Next, soon: a harsh, realistic editing of the wardrobe. (I wear only a fraction of what I own— what's the point?) Time to delete some of… Continue reading Rituals. Looking back and springing forward—
Everyone seems to be out of sorts, or in a state of transition lately. Well, that’ s nothing new— life is flux. No, what I mean is that a number of people I know have been struggling with big question marks, consciously or not. It’s been coming out gradually, as the summer wanes. They hint… Continue reading The impolitic nature of Early Autumn Onset Syndrome (EAOS)
Curious, that what begat my happiest epoch to date was the bloody, shredding removal of a Cupid’s dart. Or, no— it was the eventual and, sad, timely falling of Damocles’ sword. At any rate, it was something dramatic and mythic, as such things are wont to be; must be, because we’re human, and we love*.… Continue reading Being stardust is dancing with gratitude— that’s what discoballs are about, and this is a love note to everything in dour Winter
Having arrived at the realization (again) that I am simply never going to finish ALL THE THINGS, I realize it’s impossible—time cannot be stopped. There is only a chipping away at imperatives, like a block of marble out of which no soaring, winged delight will emerge— only a fleeting and illusory sense of accomplishment. (A… Continue reading imperatives and optionals
e daggar art: THE MUSEUM 